The Rose

It was two years ago this morning that Craig, my handsome young lover died. At 8:00 AM I found his body on the floor of his bedroom. He had died of "accidental auto-erotic-asphyxiation". [see my blog on here dated September 19, 2006]

The last two years have gone so fast....were it not for my many friends I could not have survived as well as I have. Today I spent some time with Jazz [that's her picture in the About Me column]. I'm sure she wondered why I cried all over her but she likes being held. Years after my father died my mother told me "It never gets better, but it does get easier". I have to agree with mom.

Tonight I went to the Baltimore Symphony with our friend Steven. On the way home this song was playing on the radio. While Craig and I both liked Bette Midler this song was not particularly special for either of us. Since he died everytime I hear it I tear up. Isn't it amazing how music effects us? The words pretty much describe how I feel about Love. Yes, I freely admit to being a sentimental old fool.

Here are a few pictures of Craig. The young man with Craig at the Cloisters in New York City is our friend Gunny. The first infant Craig ever held was Lila, a good friend's daughter, I'm glad I got a picture of the two of them. And that's me standing behind Craig and the big yellow duck.

The Rose Lyrics – (by Amanda McBroom)

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, its only seed

It's the heart, afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying
That never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed
That with the sun's love, in the spring
Becomes the rose

(performed by Bette Midler)

Stand Up 2 Cancer

Okay, I'll admit to crying at the drop of a hat. I don't really sob, it's more that my eyes well up with tears and overflow. Sometimes they flow through my beard and drip off my chin. Usually I mop them up before they get that far. Now you are probably asking right now "What got you started this time?"


Well, I just watched a one hour television special aired on the three big channels, ABC, CBS, and NBC. (Fox counter programmed with "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?") The program, Stand Up 2 Cancer, was a telethon for cancer research. It featured a number of celebrities as well as normal ordinary people whose lives have been touched by cancer (survivors, patients, family members, and friends). It also featured doctors making great strides in cancer research.


A close friend of mine, Mark, is currently undergoing chemotherapy for his third bout of Hodgkin's lymphoma. (Check out his blog at http://time4a3minuteegg.blogspot.com/) I've been spending a fair amount of time with him this summer. As I watched this program at first I was thinking of him and my mother who died, in 2000, from cervical cancer. Then it hit me I am a prostate cancer survivor. I don't often think about my own cancer (I was very sick afterwards with diverticulosis, totally unrelated to the cancer).


I am very lucky, my tumor was classified as Grade 1a (which means that it could only be diagnosed by a biopsy). Treatment last January was to have my entire prostate removed by robotic-lapriscopy using a machine called a DaVinci. The surgery went well with few complications. Thanks to the DaVinci there was very little nerve damage (no incontinence and few problems with impotence). Compared to Mark or my mother I suffered very little.


Each of us fights cancer in our own way. My mother was 88 years old and chose to accept death gracefully and with considerable faith. Mark is fighting his cancer with patience, enduring his chemotherapy and its side effects. And thanks to my many friends I, too, am a cancer survivor.

Just the facts, Ma'm, just the facts!

Okay, for the sake of open disclosure (and fearful that you might think otherwise). I am a liberal (make that very liberal) Democrat. I listened to Gov. Sarah Palin's speech last night. I found her more than a little irritating but that might have been because I am a liberal (make that very liberal) Democrat.


I'd like to suggest you who are reading this check out these links:

John Stewart Hits Karl Rove, Bill O'Reilly, Dick Morris On Sarah Palin Hypocrisy
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/04/jon-stewart-hits-karl-rov_n_123852.html

Georgia Republican Rep. Lynn Westmoreland used the racially-tinged term "uppity" to describe Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama Thursday.
http://thehill.com/leading-the-news/westmoreland-calls-obama-uppity-2008-09-04.html


and one of my favorite sites since it is an equal opportunity "de-bunker"
http://www.factcheck.org/


FactCheck's Mission reads in part:

We are a nonpartisan, nonprofit, "consumer advocate" for voters that aims to reduce the level of deception and confusion in U.S. politics. We monitor the factual accuracy of what is said by major U.S. political players in the form of TV ads, debates, speeches, interviews, and news releases. Our goal is to apply the best practices of both journalism and scholarship, and to increase public knowledge and understanding.

They have Special Reports going back to December 2003. Reports from 2004 focused on the last Presidential Election and took on both Kerry & Bush.


Now I recognize that I haven't posted links to the Republican National Committee or John McCain's webpage, but then again I haven't posted the links to the Democrats or Barack Obama.

On another post here I'll talk about my (short) career as a Democratic leader and that, my friends, is a "teaser".

Freude und Freiheit

I am much more likely to cry in moments of great beauty than sadness.

It was last Spring that my friend Steven gave me a birthday ticket to the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra's final concert of the season. It was the first season for Maestra Marin Alsop, Music Director and Conductor. In scheduling her first season she had included all nine of Beethoven's symphonies. I must confess that I love "The Ninth" with it's stunningly beautiful music and Schiller's great "Ode to Joy". The rumbling baritone soloist sings Freude (Joy) and my tears start flowing, my feet start dancing (it's a good thing I'm sitting) and I'm doing my best air conducting until the conductor turns to the audience and we can start applauding. It was the best birthday present imaginable.*

Two or three weeks ago MPT (Maryland Public Television) was doing one of their fund raisers. I was channel surfing when I discovered they were broadcasting the film of an incredible concert from 1989. It was a special edition of PBS Great Performances.

In December 1989 the Berlin Wall fell and the two Germanys began their reunification. On Christmas Day there was a concert at Berlin's Schauspielhaus (Playhouse). Leonard Bernstein led orchestras, choruses, and soloists from Berlin, Dresden, New York, London, Paris and Leningrad (representing the two Germanys, the wartime Allies and European Jews) in a massive rendition of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. The original concert was broadcast live in more than twenty countries to an estimated audience of 100 million people. For the occasion, Bernstein reworded the text of the final chorus, substituting the word Freiheit (freedom) for Freude (joy). He said he thought Beethoven and Schiller would have approved.

I remember that original concert. My partner Joe and I sat glued to the television. It hit home for both of us in different ways. Joe's mother was from Czechoslovakia and he had done his undergraduate thesis at Cornell on Nazi Europe. My mother's family was German and although they had been in this country since the mid-1800s they suffered discrimination during the war because of their German last name (Franz). Joe was even more emotional than me and we hugged and wept all through the concert.

And so now you know the story of the last time I cried.

*http://www.bsomusic.org/
in October 2008 the BSO will be performing Bernstein's Mass: A Theatre Piece for Singers, Players and Dancers

Hiroshima

Today is the 63rd anniversary of the detonation of the first atomic weapon of mass destruction. The United States dropped the bomb, nicknamed "Little Boy," at about 8:15 AM on Monday, August 6, 1945, on the Japanese city of Hiroshima, killing 80,000 people (by the end of the year the numbers had risen to 140,000). Three days later, August 9, the second bomb, "Fat Man," was dropped on the city of Nagasaki eventually killing 80,000 people.

This is one of the six photographs recording the disaster of Hiroshima. A precious photograph taken only three hours or so after the explosion.

Mr. Matsushige, who was a news cameraman then, wrote in the "Hiroshima Tokuho," issued on August 6, 1980, based on his experience, as follows:
"...in front of the police box of Senda township located at the west end of Miyuki Bridge, a policeman took off the lid of an oil can and started to give first aid treatment to the people with burns, but the number of the injured increased rapidly. I thought this must be photographed and held the camera in position. The scene I saw through the finder was too cruel. Among the hundreds of injured persons of whom you cannot tell the difference between male and female, there were children screaming 'It's hot, it's hot!' and infants crying over the body of their mother who appeared to be already dead. I tried to pull myself together by telling myself that I'm a news cameraman, and it is my duty and privilege to take a photograph, even if it is just one, and even if people take me as a devil or a cold-hearted man. I finally managed to press the shutter, but when I looked through the finder for the second time, the object was blurred by tears." (http://www.gensuikin.org/english/photo.html)

At the Peace Memorial Park this morning in Hiroshima Mayor Tadatoshi Akiba said "We who seek the abolition of nuclear weapons are the majority....
Last year 170 countries voted in favour of Japan's U.N. Resolution calling for the abolition of nuclear weapons. Only three countries, the United States among them, opposed this resolution,"
The memorial speech was attended by the ambassador of nuclear-armed China, as well as Prime Minister Yasuo Fukuda and elderly survivors of the attack.

Officially the bombs were necessary to prevent the greater loss of life that would result from an American invasion of Japan. I don't know if this is true or not. I do know that we are living in a world with far too many nuclear weapons.
We are fighting a war in Iraq because (officially) our government was convinced that Saddam Hussein had developed atomic weapons. He did not. We have come close to war with North Korea and Iran over their development of nuclear weapons.
Earlier this year, if I remember right, Sen. Barak Obama said that he would talk to the leaders of Iran and that nuclear weapons would be off the table. Sen. Clinton made much of that promise, criticizing him for making it.

I sure do hope it's a promise he keeps. I fear for our world. I believe that if we aren't careful atomic weapons will yet destroy us. Whether it's the unsupervised weapons left over from the Soviet Union or weapons produced by new nuclear powers like Iran I am afraid for our world. We must speak out and hope to whatever God we worship that we can disarm before it's too late if it isn't already.

Mt. Vernon Methodist Church in Hampden

I'm not all that big on copying directly from another source to this blog BUT it would be silly to rewrite. This church was a few blocks from my old place in Hamden.
Fire officials are now blaming the fire on a fast moving thunderstorm that came through around 7 AM.
The storm was very loud with lots of thunder and lightning so I wouldn't be surprised if Jazz and I heard this happen this morning. The pics are from my friend Ed Schneider.

Sorta makes you wonder just what they did to offend the gods!

Mike

Hampden Church Destroyed by Fire
Reported by: Sara Spangler Last Update: 11:10 am ABC2News in Baltimore

The fire broke out shortly before 7 a.m. Saturday morning at the Mount Vernon United Methodist Church. Arson investigators are sifting through the rubble this morning after a 3-alarm fire completely destroyed a church in Hampden.Crews were called to Mount Vernon United Methodist Church on the 800 block of West 33rd Street shortly before 7 a.m.According to Chief Kevin Cartwright, spokesman for the Baltimore City Fire Department, when firefighters arrived to the scene they found the church to be fully engulfed in flames with heavy smoke throughout. Chief Cartwright described the steeple as glowing orange with fire.The church is a stone, 2-story building with a steeple reaching approximately 100 feet into the air.Chief Cartwright said about 30 homes in the area were evacuated along the 800 block of W. 33rd Street and the 3200 block of Chestnut Avenue. Firefighters were afraid the steeple might collapse and they couldn't be sure which way it would fall. So, residents on both sides of the church were told they needed to leave their homes.Fortunately, the steeple did not collapse and no one was injured in this fire. Arson investigators are now working to determine a cause.

Candle For Tibet

August 7th 2008 is the day before the opening ceremony of The Olympic Games in Beijing.

On this day Candle For Tibet aims to create the world's greatest LIGHT PROTEST, when at least 100 million people from all over the world will light a candle and say YES to freedom in Tibet!

All you are asked to do is to light a simple candle on August 7th at 9 pm in your own time zone. Light the Candle at your home, workplace or in a public place. Put the candle in your Window, or on your desk, or anywhere else where other people will see it and hopefully do the same. Our light protest will be seen by billions on TV screens all over the world on the day the Beijing Olympics open. We are not against the Olympics or anything else for that matter, we stand for Freedom. Period. On the following day we will issue letters to every head of state in the world to tell them exactly how many people from their country wish Tibet to be free. We will also insist that each one of them act for the freedom of Tibet. We will also issue letters to the general secretary of UN, the government in Beijing and to other global organizations with data on global participation.

Why are we doing this?

Candle For Tibet is a non-profit, non-violent grassroots campaign that aims to help in the process of Freeing Tibet, to support the value of freedom to all humankind, and to help in creating a new tool of influence for individuals from all over the world.

Why Tibet ?

Tibet has become a symbol of freedom. It is a symbol that represents the natural right of any human being for self determination, freedom of thought, conscience, belief and religion.

Why Now ?

The Olympic Games in Beijing which will open on August 8th 2008 are a unique opportunity to focus the world's attention on the annulment of those rights in Tibet and in many other places in the world. This is a unique opportunity in time when China is sensitive to worldwide public opinion. This is why we feel it's the right time and place to make our stand.

What's the plan ?

We will start lighting our candles in India on Thursday, Aug 7th 2008 at 9 p.m. After that, people from each country will light their candles at 9 p.m. in their own time zone. In this way we will ensure that our millions and millions of candles are seen and noticed throughout all the time zones of the world. Our friends in Australia, Japan and the Far East will light their candles when the official ceremony begins on the following night.

For more information please check out: http://www.candle4tibet.org/en/

'splainin tings

One of the things Ricki used to scream at Lucy was~ You gotta lot of 'splainin' to do Lucy!
Over the years I've started blogging several times and for whatever reason stopped.
I've saved copies of these blogs and since I think they are sorta interesting I've reposted them on this blog. That 'splains' how I went from just one blog to so many. I hope you enjoy them and if so moved will post comments on them.
I hope you're having a great summer.
Take care and stay cool.

Thirty Years Ago

I find it fascinating that how different 30 years can look from which ever end you're looking. When I was 28 looking ahead 30 years was looking a lifetime away, but at 58 looking back 30 years is like looking at last Christmas.
It was 30 years ago this week that I left Salt Lake City and moved to Tucson, Arizona. Until I moved to Tucson I'd lived most of my life in Salt Lake. Salt Lake was a different city 30 years ago- much more conservative, much more provincial.
I came out some five years earlier and was slowly learning to celebrate it. After I came out to my parents and I took them to an anti-Anita Bryant Rally (where they were tear gassed for the only time in their lives) and the Holy Union of two lesbian friends (the "groom", a stripper from Park City, wore a tuxedo; the "bride" wore her mother's wedding dress). I had also come out to local leaders in the Mormon Church and their response was formal excommunication (but that's a story for another blog). My parents made friends with my only gay friends Gene and John (two older men who kept me somewhat sane).
I was living on my own, in my own apartment, depressed as hell, and I had just lost my job (even cab companies didn't want "queers" working for them). Every month I'd buy The Advocate, a popular monthly gay magazine published in Los Angeles. Today it is a respectable glbt publication, but back in the 1970s it was a trashy gay "rag" best known for it's pink section of classified sex ads. I answered one from a guy who lived near Tucson and was looking for somebody to help him with his nursery business selling plants at swap meets. We agreed to give it a try.
I didn't tell anyone I was leaving. I was sick of my life. I just wanted out so the morning after my parents 33rd wedding anniversary I walked out of my apartment. Locking the door, I shoved the key back under the door and headed off to the Greyhound Bus Station. I'd been lent $100 by the pastor of the Newman Center to help with rent, I used it to buy a bus ticket. Later I found out that Gene and John had cleared out my apartment and packed it all in my parent's basement.
The rest of the summer I lived in Arivaca, a tiny ranching community with my "friend" from The Advocate. By the end of the summer we knew it wasn't going to work so I moved into Tucson. No way was I ever going back to Salt Lake City not if I could help it!
Sometime I'll tell all about my time in Tucson, but for now as I look back over the last 30 years I am so glad I left Salt Lake City. I rarely went back before my Mother's death in 2000 and haven't been back since. Salt Lake has changed so much but it isn't home. I learned early on the truth of the old saw about home being where the heart is. I carried home from Salt Lake City to Tucson, to California and now home is here in Baltimore. I've gathered friends around me you are my family. I am so blest.

Kipling, Cleaning & War

'tis been a most peculiar day. It's been raining most of the day with tornado and storm warnings.
Last night I had dinner with my friends Mark and Steven. We three "old maids" all over 50 and what lives we've lived!
There was a party here at the house last night Michael (my house mate's "son") is home on leave for a few days and staying here with Josh. They and their friends are the quietest partyers I know.
With the rain we've stayed in all day. Jazz of course kept me in sight. I had made a list the other day of things I wanted to do to clean "house" for Beltaine (May 1st) including simplifying the small altar and "shrine" I've set up on the shelves where I keep my foldable clothes. As I've let things get cluttered I've found myself distracted in my devotions. I already feel better with it tidy and it's evening candle lit.
I also figured that with the rain I would water the house plants. I've been meaning to go through my closet and clothes and simplify. I've so many things that I've grown out of.....tee shirts, jeans, shirts, and out dated useless toiletries. The clothes, for the most part, are going to Goodwill. The toiletries and some tee shirts I gave to Karen. I'm tired but it's a good tiredness, I feel like I've made some progress. Tomorrow more rain so I'll probably work on the computer desk. We'll see how long I can keep things up before chaos reigns supreme.
As I write this I'm also listening to Masterpiece Theater, the current program is "My Boy Jack" about Rudyard Kipling's son Jack and his volunteering for the Army at the beginning of WWI. He's been wounded and captured and his parents (especially his mother) are struggling to find him. He was 17 and already a second lieutenant (his father had to give permission for him to go overseas). He tried so hard to meet his father's expectations ...one of his men is just explaining how he was killed trying to help his men (all shown in flashbacks). His father is accepting his responsibility in his son's death. It's only a TV show about a war waged 90 years ago, but it is so current. The grief and horror of war without the pomp and glory. I know Karen is terrified for Michael who will probably head to Afganistan-Iraq around Christmas. War is so god awful... why can't our leaders see it...taste it...smell it...hate it?

B16

Today the pope went home. After almost a week B16 left from JFK airport for Rome. As I was cleaning today I had the TV on listening and watching the coverage of his Mass in New York City. I still love the pomp and ritual and music but it was fascinating to be looking at this visit through the eyes of disbelief. When JP2 was here a few years back I was post-catholic but not post-christian. I was pleased that Benedict faced the clergy sexual abuse head on but he doesn't recognize the role his bishops played. The shuffling of priests to keep them out of trouble at the expense of the children these men abused. One of the victims who met with the pope tried to tell him that there was a "middle management" problem but it seems that that part of the problem will continue to be ignored.
I am so pleased I am no longer a part of that community.

Three Strong Women

My father (and I) came from a family of very strong women. Women who with their husbands, sons and fathers settled the American Great Basin in the 19th century. So often the history of the settling of the West focuses on the men and gives short shrift to the women. In our family (and if truth be told most others) the women were just as strong as the men folk.
This is the story of three women who referred to themselves as "The Three Sisters" although they were actually sisters-in-law.
It was childhood tragedy that brought them together.
Lymeda Murphy, the oldest, was my grandmother. Born in December, 1885, the daughter of Jim and Addaline Murphy. She was 16 years old when her mother died. Her father wasn't able to care for her and her brothers and sisters so she was sent to live and work on the Just family ranch near Firth, Idaho.
Kate Reid, the youngest, was 4 when her mother died. She and her older brothers, Jim and Rufus Ezekial, also went to live and work on the Just family spread.
Agnes Just, the boss' daughter, was between them in age. These became the Three Sisters.
When she was 19 Lymeda married Kate's oldest brother Jim and shortly after that Agnes married Rufus Ezekial. Kate, in turn, married another local boy, Bob Blair. It wasn't until they started their own family that Lymeda and Jim moved to their own place, but the "Three Sisters" remained the best of friends.
In the early years of the 20th century women did not wear pants when they went into town. Out on the ranch no one would have known but to go into town would have been just too shocking. Well, never let it be said that Lymeda and Agnes let little things like that get in their way. They once told me about the time the two of them were out horseback riding and decided to go into Firth to pick up supplies at the General Store. They didn't need the wagon so they just rode on into town. Well, talk about scandalized....folks came out and watched them ride through town. Someone went and got their husbands and told the men they had to do something about their wives. Both men just laughed and asked who in town had the nerve to tell Lymeda and Agnes what they could or couldn't do. Nobody that knew them. I guess it helped that they were well liked.
In time my grandmother, Lymeda, became the county's first licensed midwife. At her funeral in 1968 her Mormon Bishop asked the congregation..."If your parents were delivered by her, please stand." "If you were delivered by her please stand," and finally "If she delivered any of your animals, please stand." He then had the family stand and look around....we were the last to stand, hardly anyone was seated.

"Music hath charms...."

There is some music that has an incredible affect on me. Some have a sentimental attachment, (there are hymns from my childhood that still really move me). But other pieces are just so incredibly beautiful that when I hear them my heart soars (some of Bach's Brandenberg Concerti ). Doesn't matter if there are words it's that glorious sound that does it.
This morning, as I do most mornings, I flipped on the TV to catch Good Morning America to listen to and watch before getting out of bed. The lead story was the death of the great tenor Luciano Pavarotti. As I lay there I felt the tears running down my face soaking my beard. Now I rarely cry at another's death and I don't have a particular attachment to Pavarotti. So why the tears? They were playing his signature aria Nessun Dorma (Puccini's masterpiece from Turandot).
Nessun Dorma is one of those pieces of music that seems to reach into my heart and wring out the tears. I really don't know why. The story is a fantasy tale of a Chinese princess name Turandot. The hero, a Prince has kept his name secret from Turandot who is challenged to learn it by dawn or she will have to marry him. Turandot has decreed that no one can sleep that night, they must discover his name. The Prince's aria begins with Turandot's command "No one sleeps..." (nessun dorma). And ends "Vanish, o night! Set behind the mountains, stars! At daybreak, I shall conquer." In 1990 it was the theme for the World Cup which was hosted by Italy.
I hope you will celebrate the music that moves you. It doesn't matter if the music is classical, rap, R&B or country western. As you listen remember those who brought you that music... the composers, writers, and performers.

My Name is Larry Craig!

It's not really easy having sympathy for Sen. Larry Craig, but strangely enough I do.
Back in the 1970s, when I first came out in Salt Lake City, I was rather well acquainted with all the most popular public rest rooms. I knew how to tap my foot and pass toilet paper notes with the best of them and I was reasonably good at "lewd conduct". Back then if you wanted to meet another man to have sex with you're options were limited. There were no gay community centers, gay student groups, no gay social groups. In Salt Lake there was a really seedy bar "The Radio City Lounge". In many places, like Utah and Idaho, "perverts and known homosexuals", by law, could not have a liquor license. Rumor had it that gay bars were "Mafia" owned and operated. Oh and we also had a municipal bath house, built over a natural hot springs, that was pretty disgusting.
If this was what it meant to be gay is it any wonder that a lot of men denied being gay? If this is all he knows about being gay is it any wonder Larry Craig denies being gay? If our places were reversed I might be the disgraced senator and Larry might very well be sitting here writing this.
As this story has unfolded I have been struck by something that hasn't been mentioned much. Why was Larry Craig arrested? Did he threaten anyone? No. Did he defraud anyone? No. Did he approach anyone underage? No. He was looking for another man he could have consensual sex with. We know that at least one young, attractive vice cop was working the Minneapolis Airport looking for someone to entrap. In some places "lewd conduct" would be considered a "nuisance crime" like littering. He'd be given a ticket and sent on his way. In Minneapolis in addition to the time he spent hanging out in the rest room the officer spent 45 minutes interrogating the senator. It seems to me that it was homophobia feeding on homophobia. It was homophobia that created the crime and it was homophobia that led to Larry Craig being arrested.
So Larry Craig's career as a good Republican Senator has been destroyed. His fellow Republicans have broken speed records distancing themselves from him. One even said that he had committed "the unpardonable sin". This has to be hyperbole, cruising a rest room worse than lying to the American people to take us into war in Iraq?
So what do we, as gay men, do about this man who doesn't want to admit to being one of us? Do we "owe" him anything? No. Should we offer him our friendship and support? Well, perhaps, but I really doubt he'll accept it. But let us offer it anyway. After all do we want to be confused with the "friends" who abandoned him. I don't think so.

The Lone Wolf

In 1920 the United States tried a "grand experiment". For the next 13 years the manufacture and sale of alcoholic beverages was illegal in the United States.
Of course it was still fairly easy to get a drink, often in little out of the way places called "speakeasies".
My father's older sister, Margie moved from small town Idaho to Salt Lake City, the nearest big city, in the 1920s. Margie worked a number of jobs including modeling for department stores and local fashion photographers. I've seen pictures from that time, she was a very attractive woman.
I never heard the details but by 1930 Margie had opened a high class speakeasy and brothel in the "Avenue" neighborhood of Salt Lake City. At 18 my mother, Dorothy, was living with and working for Margie as her bookkeeper ("I wasn't pretty enough to be one of the girls." she once told me.)
Margie's youngest brother, Jack, was born with a club foot. Jimmy, my father, their oldest brother brought him down from Idaho to The Children's Hospital in Salt Lake for treatment. They all stayed together for a few days until Jack went in the hospital and Jimmy moved on to work in the shipyards in Oakland, California.
Dorothy met and fell in love with Bill, the bar's driver and delivery man. Nine months to the day after they were married my sister Billie Dean was born. Their marriage broke up when Bill brought his girlfriend home to meet his wife. I'm sure he was surprised at her reaction, it seems she threatened to kill him with a butcher knife or a cast iron frying pan...I've heard both stories. When Margie found out, she called a local judge, one of her better customers, who handled Dorothy's divorce privately in his chambers.
At 21 with a baby, no husband and no child support Dorothy had no choice but to move back home with her parents, Dora Mae and Ben, my grandparents. Dorothy found legitimate work in downtown Salt Lake and grandma raised Billie Dean. Life with Dora Mae was pretty difficult for both Dorothy and Ben. Their close father-daughter friendship stemmed from those days.
Dorothy once told me that she despaired of ever finding someone who loved her and would want to marry her. She dated, but few men wanted to marry a woman with a child. She and Margie even travelled to California on a vacation and looking for work. They stayed with Jimmy in Oakland, but they weren't close. It was the height of The Depression and Jimmy was sending money home to Idaho to help his mother and his younger brothers and sister. He had made up his mind to never marry and have a family until times got better.
In 1942 The Depression ended with America's entry into World War II. Jimmy was drafted and went off to war. It was at Margy's suggestion that Dorothy started writing to Jimmy. The wrote each other often and fell madly in love. In June, 1945, while he was home on leave Dorothy and Jimmy were married in Dora Mae and Ben's living room.
And that's how my parents met. So why the picture of Alfred von Kowalski-Wierusz' painting The Lone Wolf ? As long as I can remember a small, framed copy of this picture has hung in my bedroom. It came from a calendar that hung in Margie's bar. It's a wonderful reminder of how my parents met.

Molly and Vick

The story on everyone's radar is Michael Vick's admission of guilt to charges involving dog fighting and killing. I'd rather share another story with you.
When Joe (my late lover) and I moved to Baltimore in December, 1992, our first place was out in the suburbs of Baltimore County. The following Spring we found a place in the city just a block from Joe's office. In July Joe had to fly to Phoenix, Arizona, for a church conference. The morning he left I was packing his bags. To get him out of the way I sent off for a long walk with Bentley, the miniature schnauzer we brought from California.
I had just finished packing, closed last suitcase and was putting them out on the porch when Joe and Bentley came up the walk. They were followed by a larger, skinny dog covered with mud, blood and dog poop. She was a mess.
She was a pit bull that somebody was trying to make mean so she'd be a fighter.
"She was tied up to the fence behind the old high school. I untied her figuring she'd run off but instead she followed me home, what am I gonna do?"
My response was "You're leaving for Phoenix when your ride gets here and I'll take care of her." His ride came, we took time for a long kiss and off he went with promises to call when he got settled. After he left I put Bentley in the house and set down on the porch steps, the new dog came over and put her head in my lap. You need to know that I'm a big softy especially when it comes to animals. I also have a cast iron stomach. It takes a lot to make me throw up. "Well girl, will you stay here while I get some stuff from inside?" She didn't answer but she didn't leave when I went inside and grabbed the dog shampoo and a pile of old towels and the first aid kit. She watch patiently while I uncoiled the garden hose and turned on a gentle stream. It took a half hour of washing and repeating to get all the mud and crud off of her. She kept trying to drink from the hose so I got Bentley's outdoor water bowl and kept it full as she tanked up on water.Her face was swollen, one eye almost shut but no cuts on her head. She had bruises and shallow cuts on her back around her tail. (In case you ever need an ice pack and you don't have a "real one", a bag of frozen peas or corn makes a great substitute.) The most amazing thing was that she let me use peroxide on her cuts and an ice pack on her face without fighting me at all. As I was finishing up Sharon, a good friend, the neighborhood dog walker, stopped by and asked me what was happening. I told her the story as she was petting the new dog. Sharon had been a nurse so she gently checked for broken bones and infected cuts. I told her I couldn't afford a vet to take care of the new dog. She said we didn't need one yet but she knew vets who would help out for free. While she was checking the dog I slipped inside and got a bowl of dried kibble. The new dog was famished.
We ended up calling her Molly. Molly was my constant companion for the next 14 years. She took care of me when Joe was sick and when he died. She took care of Bentley in his old age, until he died. About a year ago she developed a number of tumors, cancer the vet said. When it got to be too much I held her in my lap as the vet gave her that last shot. At the end she was trying to lick the tears from my face.Molly was the sweetest, gentlest dog I'd ever met. She was all the proof I needed to know that pit bulls can be as good and loving as a dog could be.
And so Mr. Vick, you disgust me. You are cruel and malicious, a common thug. I am glad you've lost your job and I hope this ruins your career. I can't help but wonder if a man as cruel as you abuses women and children. The best news is that people will forget you, you will only be a pathetic footnote in NFL history.
FairyBear/Mike

Three in New York City

Greetings!
Lordy, lordy, lordy it's been something like 5 months since my last blog! Well, I've now lost a total of 125# making me 180#. I have no idea when I last weighed 180# but it certainly wasn't even in distant memory. Had to be in the late 1970s! I'm doing well, and feeling very good.
A month ago I was visiting Gunny in New York City and he took some pictures including this one. Maybe I'll post a Before pic to go with this After. I had a grand time...a lot of firsts for me...first trip to Ellis Island and The Statue of Liberty on Friday and on Sunday my first trip to Fire Island.
We took in three shows Deuce with Angela Lansbury, The Year of Magical Thinking with Vanessa Redgrave and finall Forbidden Broadway a delightful revue of the current crop of Broadway musicals. For me the exciting thing was that a year ago I might have had the energy to do one day but all three would have been out of the question.
Back in Baltimore we've had so strange weather...Thursday we didn't even get to 70 degrees outside...tomorrow there is an extreme heat warning with heat indices of 100+. All to strange.Well, that's about all. I will try and be better about keeping up with this!Hugz to All!

Eye for an Eye

Howdy Folks~I have a longish story to tell you. By the time I'm done you understand what's happening here.On December 1, 1973, I was living in Salt Lake City, Utah. I went on a date with my friend Gene. We had gone to a foreign film at the University of Utah (the movie was Dutch "Dies Irae").On my way home I hit a patch of black ice. My only major injury was to put the gear shift lever through my glasses into my left eye. I was in the hospital for a couple of weeks. The eye was saved but I lost the lens and at that time lens implants were highly experimental and the insurance company just laughed. Jump ahead to 1987 (Santa Barbara, California)...by then lens implants were routine and were actually an outpatient procedure. The insurance I had then said sure go ahead get it done and I did. Time for another jump ahead to October, 2006...after a day of selling stuff at the Lutherville, Maryland, Swap Meet I tripped and fell smash my face into the plastic crate I was carrying. Lots of scrapes and bruises but I thought I hadn't done much damage...WRONG! I had displaced the lens I'd had implanted in 1987! I went to an eye doctor in January and he discovered the damage. On Tuesday, February 27th I went to Union Memorial Hospital and Dr. Nirankeri replaced the lens implanted in 1987. I went to the doctor this morning. He's rather pleased with how it looks and I'm well on my way to recovery. So there you have my long story coming up to today.I'll keep you informed of how it's healing.MikeP.S. I'm down to 204 lbs. That's a loss of 101 lbs.
posted by Mike @

An Update aka I'm Bragging
Greeting and Salutations!Just want to catch folks up on the latest news from here in Lauraville!I had my 5 month review with the Weight Management Center today.Here's what I found out~At 205 lbs. I have lost 100 lbs. that's 74.5% of my excess body weight! This came rather early since for most folks it takes a year to reach that point.I have lost 10 inches each from my chest, waist, and hips.I am still loosing abt 3 lbs. a week, unfortunately this is bound to slow down.The only thing that hasn't improved (actually it's gotten worse) in my essential tremors. I'm sounding more and more like Kate Hepburn every day!All in all everybody seems pretty pleased, I know I am!MikeWednesday February 21, 2007 - 05:17pm (EST) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MAL~ Mid Atlantic Leather for MLK So.......who all is going to Washington, DC this weekend for the Mid Atlantic Leather weekend? I'll be there Saturday afternoon through Sunday afternoon... anybody want to get together for a drink?I'm looking forward to showing off my svelte new body (220#)!MikeThursday January 11, 2007 - 05:30pm (EST)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Happy 2007Just a wee note to wish you all a safe New Year's Eve. Be safe guys, we've lost too many in the last year!Much Love to all....Papa MikeSunday December 31, 2006 - 01:19pm (EST) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Help Wanted
Howdy Guys, ....guess I'm justa big ol' bear... I'm single again and while I don't really hate it I sure good use some buddies...good ol boys I can hang out with, get to know, maybe take in movies, try new things, hopefully fuck around and I sure could use some cuddle time... anybody interested? Drop me a line, please send a pic okay?MikeTuesday December 26, 2006 - 05:06pm (EST) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~November 30, 2006~ San Andreas It appears we have a nasty virus in our computer! So if you have received an Instant Message from me with a link to some pictures...DO NOT OPEN! Just delete it and accept my apology.Papa Mike

Catching Up

Greetings!
I have been woefully negligent in posting here. BUT I have posted on my Yahoo blog. (Does that make me bad?) Anyway, I have copied those blogs and they will appear above and below this one all in two big blogs. I will do better about posting here.Papa Mike

More Catching Up

MadonnaI just watched the network broadcast of Madonna's concert...hot damn talk about a show...starting with a herd of the hottest guys in leather pony gear! It was clearly geared for members of our community...lots of naked (well almost maked) men! Certainly one more thing to be thankful for! Woof!MikeWednesday November 22, 2006 - 10:21pm (EST)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Entry for November 22, 2006Here's a little quiz to check your long term memory.....So how many of you looked at todays date and remembered what today in the anniversary of?Of course I knew: 3It took a minute but then I remembered: 1What the hell are you talking about: 3 Wednesday November 22, 2006 - 11:13am (EST)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Going DownWell I'm down to 236 pounds.....I don't remember the last time I weighed 236 hmmmmmm must have been in the late 1980s!Wednesday November 22, 2006 - 11:08am (EST)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~November 04, 2006Howdy! Well, a lot's happened since my last blog. I sold the house, alot of my stuff and car, paid off a hell of a lot of debts and moved in with a couple of friends. It's been a rough couple of months. And without my friends Steven, Kate and Pam I'd bee sleeping under a bridge somewhere.I've also lost some 60 pounds and can actually see my dick without bending over . I've still got another 40 or so to lose. The pot belly is much smaller.The elections are next Tuesday...won't it be good to have them over? I must admit I'm a liberal democrat (the SWP isn't on the ballot). BUT the way I see it...if you can vote you should vote...even if it's gonna cancel mine!Thanks for all the kind thoughts and messages!Take care of yourselves and Happy Thanksgiving!Papa Mike